Letters from a Senior Devil to a Junior Satanist

ã2000 by Gregor MacGregor

Letter I

The Carpenter

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer, a contractor, of his plans to leave the homebuilding business and live a more leisurely life with his wife, enjoying his extended family. He would miss his paycheck, but needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go, and asked whether he would build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time, it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He was cutting corners wherever possible, and even using inferior materials for convenience' sake. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front door key to the carpenter. “This is your house," he said, “My gift to you." What a shock! What a shame! That was when the carpenter lifted his hammer high over his head and, punctuating every word with a blow upon his employer's skull, cried, “You COULD-a F*CK-in' TOLD me be-FORE I START-ed!"



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