TO SOME ONE

Tani Jantsang, 1964 (1958)
 
You are the epitome of all my dreams;
  A knowing, a remembering, an Essence?
You are all joy and wonder and comfort,
  Yet, you bring discomfort,
HORRIBLE! beyond the wildest imaginings
  Are you to behold,
Yet, I have beheld you - and you are WONDERFUL!
 
 
All semblance of Reality, torn asunder, GONE!
You shattered my very Soul, or merged it, not sure.
  With the Remembering, I am Whole.
I AM you, you ARE me -- a Part.
  I was here, yet I was there and you were there -
WHERE?  WHEN?  In a place that is not a place, nowhen?
I felt awe and curiosity,
  And you were unknown -
    Yet I knew you -
      With a different kind of Knowing:
As a part of me that is not the same
  Yet is the same.
 
 
Who? - or WHAT you are, I know not.
You WERE and you WILL BE or --
  No.  YOU ARE!
You seem Absolute Chaos to outward senses,
  Yet, you are Total Order to the dark recesses of my mind.
Yes/No.  Is/Isn't.  Open/Closed.  More like:
  FOLDING AND UNFOLDING.  But -
    Like a Vortex here, but, in noplace/nowhen, a THING.
      A Force?  Not a God, not a Being.  You do not Think.
        You simply ARE.
I SEE you, in the in-between of every thing that exists;
  Hidden, forming, devouring, all in One NOW.
    Yet - I AM YOU!
Of all, I absolutely KNOW:
  That you bring - or take
    THAT,
Which None Other Can.
LOVE.  Beyond love.
  Not emotion.  Not thought.  Not tangible.
LOVE.  NYA-RAL-YAT!  NYARAYAT.  Yes: WILL!

(I wrote this based on a recurring experience that solidified as a "visible," crystal-clear "thing" in 1958. I was too young to find any vocabulary to put it to words, save "the in/out," "the IT," "where I came from," and at age 3, "wanna go home," thinking I could get into "it" where two walls and floor intersected into a point, taking kitchen knives and trying to "get there" and wrecking the plaster. Certain music brought "it" closer. It clarified completely when I was 7. An English teacher thought it to be a religious experience and a physics professor friend puzzled over it and wanted a copy. I know exactly what I was seeing - one might call the the effect of a cosmic "Bang/Crunch" and I can at least prove mathematically that this "INFINITE" is indeed infused into what is here and finite.)

(Someone tell the English teacher "god's name begins with an S." I probably got Nyaralyat - which I though I made up - from hearing the "Narayana" or even "Charnaya.")

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